I'M DRIVING A CLUNKER,

  LET'S MAKE IT A JUNKER.....I'VE HELPED AND GUIDED MORE THAN 1000 CONSUMERS TO GET THIS HELP WHEN THEIR VEHICLE FAILED AND NEVER CHARGED THEM AN EXTRA PENNY FOR THE SERVICE!

  HOW TO GET $1000 BUCKS FROM THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA FOR THIS OLD CLUNKER I'M DRIVING OR GET THEM TO PAY $500 TO FIX IT AND GET ME THE CERTIFICATE WHILE I ONLY PAY AS LITTLE AS $20 FOR ALL DIAGNOSIS AND REPAIR!

One day it dawns on you, that heap you're driving is requiring far too much of your monthly income to keep it on the road. The tires are bald, the radiator leaks, it won't start without a jump on cold mornings, and the check you got from the other guys' insurance company for their guy rear ending you on the Harbor Freeway last year went for that short vacation in old Mexico this spring. If the heater worked, you might use it to haul the instruments for the band, but that means someone would want to ride shotgun and of course the springs are sticking up through the upholstery in a delicate spot. You thought the only redeeming feature was that boss cd stereo you had installed in it down to the Good Boys Stereos And More. You sure were shocked to find the passenger side window all busted out! Could have sworn you at least removed the face plate. And now, the State wants you to get it smog checked to renew the sticker. When you stopped by the mechanics shop on San Fernando Road to get a quote for a tune-up, your regular every 9,ooo mile oil change you probably thought that Ole Buck was quoting a head gasket job or at least getting the window replaced. But no, four plugs and an air filter, that's all. The thing is spewing smoke, gushing oil, and perpetually running on empty. The last offer you got was before the accident and just shy of $500. And now it's smog time and this could be your last chance to cash in.....

If you remember correctly, it took your cousin's "connections" and $275 to get the last certificate. He's now newly married and moved away. This time it will cost a lot more and the cupboard is bare. What we going to do? Ahhh, we remember that flyer we pulled off the wiper blade last month and shoved in the glovebox. We were going to toss it but we caught something about SMOG CHECK SPECIAL out of the corner of our eye. Now it's time to dig through the mess in there in hopes Derek didn't use it as a napkin that time at the burger drive thru. There it is. ARROYO SMOG CHECK AND TEST ONLY CENTER it reads. Tests and certifies ALL VEHICLES for the State, and if it fails the tailpipe emissions, they are going to tell me about "The Financial Assistance Program" where I'm going to get $1000 for the heap just as soon as I send off the official application they got (they've got hundreds of them there,  in both English and Spanish) and they going to explain the whole process, how they showed hundreds of folks how to either get the certificate on the States' dime or win the junk your car for a grand lottery. And it's my choice since I'm 'low income qualified.' I can either shell out $20 bucks for the repairs they're going to do, and $8. 25 to pay for the certificate or just get it to Sun Valley one day about three weeks from when I get that letter back from the State office that runs the whole thing which begins "Congratulations, just get it here and pick up your check". I'm thinking with that check and the $400 that grandma sent for my birthday last month and I'm back on automotive easy street. Well, I guess I better hurry on down to Arroyo Smog Check and see what happens. You know, it's kinda ironic, now I'm hoping the damned thing fails and I can use the stat's cash to pick up that nice Camry I saw for sale the next street over.